The groups above follow your dad’s life in order: his parents, the house he grew up in, school, his teenage years, starting out on his own and becoming a father. Start wherever he’s most at ease. A place name, an old job or a car he owned can be an easier way in than his earliest memory.
Give him something specific to remember
Ask him to describe how something worked or what an ordinary day looked like. “What did you do on your first day at that job?” is easier to picture than “Tell me about your career.” A ticket stub, a tool or a photograph can do the same work.
If he talks more easily while doing something, choose an activity that still lets you listen. Stop any machinery and move somewhere quiet before you record.
Asking about his own parents
Many of the questions about becoming a dad lead back to how he was raised. If he had a difficult father or mother, or grew up without one, let him decide how much to say. Ask about another adult who looked out for him, and leave the rest alone unless he returns to it.
Asking about becoming a dad
Fatherhood may have come early or late, by birth, adoption or marriage into a family that already had children. Ask what it was like for him rather than what he did right or wrong. “What part of being a dad did nobody prepare you for?” is easier to answer than “Were you a good father?”, which asks him to grade himself.
When the answers are short
A brief answer isn’t a failure. Share your own memory of the same event and ask whether his version differs, then wait. Ask which story people usually get wrong when they tell it about him.
Keep names and uncertainty with the story
When several relatives share a name, ask which person he means. If a date is uncertain, note the uncertainty rather than choosing one for him. An approximate year can be checked later against photographs or family records. Our list of family history research questions helps when his answers raise questions about older generations.
End with a question he chooses
Ask what you should have asked him. He may bring up a person or part of his life the list missed. With permission, save that answer and label it with the date. Use our recording guide if you want to capture his voice, or keep written notes if he prefers. For a particular day, see our Father’s Day ideas.