36 Questions to Fall in Love: How to Use the Science Today

The internet loves to say “ask these 36 questions and you’ll fall in love.” The truth is sweeter: Dr. Arthur Aron’s famous experiment shows that when two people trade honest stories in a safe structure, closeness grows quickly. That makes the 36 questions perfect for a Keepsake storytelling session - whether you’re rekindling a long marriage, starting something new, or strengthening the bond between parent and adult child.

This guide breaks down the original research, explains why the format works, and gives you a step-by-step plan for hosting your own “Questions of Love” night at home. You’ll also find printable prompts, adaptations for different relationships, and ideas for preserving the stories you uncover with Keepsake. If you prefer to print and shuffle the prompts, download the Questions of Love printable deck.

Where the 36 Questions Came From

In 1997, psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron published the “Interpersonal Closeness” study. Participants who answered 36 personal questions in escalating depth felt significantly more connected afterward than a control group. Years later, journalist Mandy Len Catron shared her Modern Love essay “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” and the protocol took on a life of its own.

The three sets move from facts to feelings to future dreams. Each section lasts about 12 minutes, and partners maintain four minutes of eye contact at the end. That combination - intentional pacing, mutual vulnerability, and focused attention - is what makes the experiment so powerful.

How to Prepare

Choose your partner and setting. This can be romantic, but it doesn’t have to be. Many Keepsake families turn the questions into an annual anniversary ritual or use them to reconnect with an adult child. Pick a quiet space, set your phones aside, and agree you’ll listen without fixing or debating.
Print the prompts or save them to a shared note. We built a ready-to-go pack inside our new page Questions of Love: 36 Prompts to Build Intimacy. If you prefer analog, print them and shuffle each set into its own pile.
Decide how you’ll capture what you hear. Some couples record a voice memo and save it to a Keepsake folder. Others jot highlights in a journal. Pair the experience with our How to Interview a Relative checklist if you want better audio without getting tech-heavy.
Set boundaries. Agree you can skip anything that feels too intense. Vulnerability grows in safe, respectful spaces. You can always circle back later.
Plan a reflection moment. Decide ahead of time how you’ll close the conversation. Maybe you’ll write your partner a note, plan a future storytelling date, or add favorite answers to a Keepsake book.

The 36 Questions, With Keepsake Notes

Set I - Gently Opening the Door

These questions build comfort. Add sensory follow-ups so the answers feel vivid and story-rich.

If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be? Follow-up idea: ask what meal they’d serve and why.
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you could live to age 90 with either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose and why?
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II - Trading Specific Stories

Set II invites vulnerability. Reflect feelings back and ask for details about people, places, and turning points.

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most terrible memory?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living now? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III - Imagining the Future Together

Set III builds forward-looking intimacy. Use the answers to plan new rituals or Keepsake interviews.

Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Then, have your partner reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Finish with four quiet minutes of eye contact. It feels awkward for a few seconds, and then something softens. If making eye contact is uncomfortable because of neurodiversity, trauma history, or cultural context, try an alternative: hold hands, sit back-to-back, or look at a shared object that symbolizes your relationship.

Adaptations for different relationships

Long‑term couples. Split the sets across multiple evenings. Pair Set II with a storytelling walk and Set III with a planning session for the next season of your life. Afterward, record highlights in your Keepsake journal so you can revisit them annually.
New relationships. Trust your pacing. If Set III feels too intense, stop at Set II. The goal is curiosity, not forced intimacy.
Friends or adult siblings. Reframe romantic prompts. For example, turn “love and affection” into “support and presence,” or swap Set III for questions from our family reunion guide to explore shared history.
Parents and adult children. Focus on memory‑building. Pair Set I with prompts from Questions to Ask Your Mom About Life Before Kids and capture stories you want future generations to hear.

Keep the momentum

The 36 questions spark closeness, but the real magic is what you do next:

Schedule a follow‑up Keepsake session focused on a shared goal. Use How to Record Clear, Warm Voice Notes so you can save favorite stories.
Turn your answers into a “Questions of Love” letter. Write three things you learned, three traits you appreciate, and one ritual you want to start. Print it or drop it into your Keepsake book.
Add your best stories to a relationship time capsule. Pair this guide with our templates for anniversaries and milestone celebrations so you can revisit the same prompts each year and watch how your answers evolve.

Key takeaways

Vulnerability is a muscle. The 36 questions give you a scaffold so you can practice safely.
Stories beat statements. When in doubt, ask, “Can you tell me about a moment when that felt true?”
Capture the experience. Future you will be glad you saved the voices, the laughter, and that one answer you never saw coming.

Set aside an evening, light a candle, and follow the structure exactly once. Then make it your own: add playlists, cook dinner first, or walk around the neighborhood as you talk. The goal isn’t perfection - it’s turning research-backed intimacy into a Keepsake your family can revisit for decades.