Follow a value back to a story
If a grandparent says family, independence or fairness matters to them, ask when that became important. A concrete memory is easier to follow than an abstract lesson. Ask who was there and what the choice looked like at the time, without insisting that the story have a moral.
Keep their wording
Write down the phrases they use rather than tidying them into polished language. Ask what a phrase means if it’s unfamiliar. When you share the story later, distinguish their words from your interpretation. The full list of questions for grandparents covers names, places and everyday memories, and has advice on war, migration and loss if those come up.