Most of these questions are for the two of you to answer together while you plan. Start with “What matters most” before you book a venue or set a budget. If you each name the one moment you care about, say the walk down the aisle or a long dinner with friends, the later trade-offs are easier to settle.
Answer separately first, then compare. Writing your answers down before you talk keeps one person’s view from shaping the other’s.
Family and guests
Family expectations often come up first over the guest list. Talk about who is paying for what, and who expects to be consulted, before you send invitations. The questions about a family wedding you remember and your parents’ wedding are gentler ways in; they also turn up traditions you may want to keep.
Vows and toasts
If you are writing your own vows, our guide to writing wedding vows turns one shared memory into a few promises. Decide early who will give a toast and tell them what is off limits. Our wedding speech examples are a useful link to send them.
For guests and family
The last group is for anyone close to the couple: a sibling, a parent, a friend at the rehearsal dinner or bridal shower. They are easy to answer and don’t add to the planning. Offering to take a job off their hands is a kind one to end on.
For the bigger questions about married life, such as money, children and where to live, use the questions to ask your fiance.