Most good wedding speeches follow the same simple shape: say who you are, tell one or two short stories about the person you know, turn to the couple, and raise a glass. Toastmasters International suggests a toast last no longer than three minutes (Toastmasters). The examples below are fictional and much shorter than a real speech, so you can see the structure; replace every detail with your own.
A structure for any speaker
- Who you are. One sentence on how you know the couple. Half the room may not know.
- One story. Something specific that shows who your person is: a place, a moment, something they said.
- What it shows. One or two sentences on why that story matters now.
- The couple. Turn to both of them. Say something about the partner too, even if you’ve only known them a short time.
- The toast. Ask everyone to stand or raise a glass, and give a short line to drink to.
Write it out, then read it aloud with a timer. If it runs past three minutes, cut a story rather than speeding up.
Who speaks, and in what order, varies a lot between families and traditions. Ask the couple or their planner before you start writing, and ask how long they’d like you to speak. The roles below use traditional names, but the same structure works for a sister, a friend, a stepparent or whoever has been asked.
Father of the bride, or the parent hosting
If you are hosting, your speech may also do some housekeeping: welcome the guests, thank anyone who helped, and mention anyone who has died and is missed, briefly. Then tell one story about your child and welcome their partner into the family.
Rough length: two to three minutes, plus a short list of thank-yous.
Fictional example. Good evening, everyone. I’m Tom, Grace’s dad, and on behalf of her mother and me, thank you for coming, some of you from a very long way. When Grace was nine she ran a lemonade stand that lost money every single day, because she kept giving free cups to anyone who looked tired. She hasn’t changed. Daniel, you noticed that about her early on, and you’ve been looking after the person who looks after everyone. We’re very glad you’re part of this family. Please raise your glasses: to Grace and Daniel.
Maid of honor
Usually a friend or sister who knows one person very well. The speech works best when the stories show what your friend is like, and when you say clearly what you see in the two of them together.
Rough length: two to three minutes.
Fictional example. Hi, I’m Priya. Grace and I met on the first day of college, when she lent me a phone charger and I didn’t give it back for three years. She has been the one I call ever since: about exams, jobs, a terrible haircut. The first time she mentioned Daniel, she talked about him for forty minutes and then said, “Anyway, it’s nothing.” It was not nothing. Daniel, thank you for making my best friend this happy. To Grace and Daniel.
Best man
A best man’s speech is often expected to be funny, and a little teasing is fine. Keep it kind, keep it about things the whole room can follow, and make sure the end is sincere.
Rough length: two to three minutes.
Fictional example. For those who don’t know me, I’m Marcus, Daniel’s brother. Daniel has always been the careful one. He read the manual for his first bike, and he made a spreadsheet before buying a toaster. So when he told me, three weeks after meeting Grace, that he was going to marry her, I asked to see the spreadsheet. He said there wasn’t one, and he’d never been more sure of anything. Grace, you’re the only decision he has ever made without a chart, and the best one. To my brother and his wife.
Parents of either partner
Some families have both parents speak together, or a mother instead of a father, or the partner’s parents as well. A joint speech works well if you split it cleanly: one tells a story, the other welcomes the new family member and gives the toast.
Rough length: two to three minutes in total, not each.
Fictional example. Mom: We’re Ruth and Alan, Daniel’s parents. When Daniel was small he’d line up his toy cars in the hallway, in order of color, and nobody was allowed to touch them. Dad: The first time he brought Grace home, she moved one. He didn’t say a word. That’s when we knew. Grace, welcome. Please join us in a toast to Grace and Daniel.
The couple
Some couples say a few words near the end of the speeches or after dinner: thank the guests, the families and anyone who helped, and say something about each other. One of you can speak, or you can take turns.
Rough length: one to two minutes, plus thank-yous.
Fictional example. Daniel: Thank you all for being here, and to Tom and Linda for this evening and for Grace. Grace: And to Ruth and Alan, for raising someone who brings me coffee before I’ve asked. We know some of you traveled a long way, and we are very grateful. Now please, go and dance.
What to leave out
- Embarrassing stories. Toastmasters advises against them, and against offensive language. If a story needs “you had to be there,” cut it.
- Former partners, how long the couple took to get engaged, money, pregnancy and anything about the wedding’s cost.
- Inside jokes that only a few people will understand.
- Stories about drinking, unless they are very mild and the couple has said they’re fine.
- Long lists of names. Thank people in groups where you can.
- Anything the couple hasn’t heard about. If you’re unsure about a story, ask them.
Rehearsing
Read the speech aloud at least three times, once in front of a friend or two if you can; Toastmasters recommends rehearsing with friends. Time each run. Print it in a large font, or put it on cards, and mark where to look up. It’s fine to read from notes; there is no need to memorize it.
On the day, check where the microphone will be and when you’re on. Go easy on drinks beforehand. When it’s your turn, stand, wait for the room to settle and start with your name.
If you are writing vows as well, see how to write wedding vows. For conversations to have with your partner while you plan, use the wedding planning questions.